Category Archives: Prostitutes R Us

Riffs of Teahouse (Teahousecomic.com)

Linneus and Xanthe part 1 and 2: A blooming romance between a pimple and a sexworker.

So FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY! The Xanthe/Linneus analysis.   Only the first two parts but here goes!

Backstory

First and foremost why is Xanthe closed off from sexuality at 15?  He is not asexual and he can’t exactly be ignorant of it living at a brothel.  Is it the fact that he’s living at a brothel that makes him push it out of his mind?  Interesting but I’m sure something the authors never considered.  Apparently he can’t have sexual feelings before he is forced to have sex….which is wow gross but I ranted about that already.

On the flip-side with Linneus I am perplexed as to why they state that the things girls do don’t interest him.  Linneus is as girly as fuck and not long after that statement they talk about how he gets into straightening his hair and  ~moving~ like a woman.  Are they trying to state that Linneus isn’t like OTHER girls?  If so I may have a super secret page from Linneus’ diary.

Linneus is so different and better than other girls! Mostly due to his penis!  Also do they now have battery powered vibrators AND electric hair straighteners in this Victorian universe?

I can understand the emotional constipation but let’s fast forward a bit.  Why is Xanthe keeping the news he agreed to marry Yvette a secret? The authors say it’s because…”he’s scared of worrying the servants.”

Scared of worrying the servants? Is this a joke? Servants aren’t fucking stupid.  They are all well aware Atros senior gambled the estate away.  They would be relieved not worried that Xanthe is marrying Yvette because that way they’ll more likely keep their jobs if the place stays with a boy who’s known them for awhile.  Even if they didn’t know the estate was forfeit why would news that Xanthe is marrying a person he knew as a kid….frighten them?  What the fuck ever!

I think the real reason here is that Xanthe doesn’t tell Linneus so the misunderstanding can be greater!

Okay so they start banging

So at NO POINT is Xanthe even seems guilty about promising to marry Yvette but fooling around with Linneus.  It must be something weighing on his mind but he dare not broach the subject with the person he’s closest too?  Also he feels 0 guilt for Yvette either, considering he is aware she legit likes him and he’s pulling this bullshit?  We either have a manipulative shit or a moron on our hands here.  I still don’t buy that Linneus is 100% ignorant of what’s going on with the family and even if he wasn’t, did he simply not consider how a future with Xanthe is impossible considering Atros Senior?  Whatever!

Okay so Atros Senior finds out.  Why would he consider this relationship a dangerous threat?  He himself is married but fooling around with whom he pleases.  Xanthe himself has already agreed to the marriage, for all Atros Senior knows he agreed long after the two of them were in a relationship together.  Even if Xanthe wanted to call off the marriage he wouldn’t have the power to do so according to the rules back then. Those getting married usually had 0 say, it was all the parents/guardians calling the shots.  Even if he COULD call off the marriage he would be screwing his family and a mansion full of maid and sex workers.  Is he not going to consider the livelihood of what at least 20 other people just so he can be SOLELY with Linneus? Would Linneus agree to that if he knew the stakes?  I really don’t enjoy the notion that you should fuck over other people because you’re JUST THAT IN LOVE!

So why does Atros Senior agree to let Linneus become a sex worker? If he really thought the relationship was dangerous he’d want Linneus as far from Xanthe as possible…not in a position to fuck him whenever he wants.  Did he think that Xanthe will no longer want him now that he’s a prostitute? Cause that’s hair-rippingly dumb considering how Atros Senior is banging all sorts of courtesans and being married never stopped him.  That yanno, Xanthe lost his virginity to a sex worker….maybe he doesn’t have a HANG UP with sleeping with them? Oh but duh of course he does cause nothing short of utter monogamy is romantic…ignore the world they live in.

While Linneus doesn’t believe Atros Senior’s lies….Xanthe (who is deeply ashamed of his father) instantly believes that sex work was an unhindered choice for Linneus despite knowing that his father has been trying to sabotage the relationship?

Yeah okay!

And as I said in a previous ask, how comes neither of them are at all impacted by the lose of the heads of the household in the messiest way possible?

OH WELL!

Part 2:

First and foremost our story starts

8 years

after all of that nonsense….and nothing has changed for the two of them?

They still kinda hate but are secretly into each other?  If so…what caused Xanthe to try to make out with Linneus over that tea?  Was it only because he had forced Liard to drop Linneus so he felt Linneus was ~free~?  I don’t understand.

Let’s fast forward past demonizing Yvette cause that girl doesn’t deserve it.  Glider is super into Linneus….and why?  Glider has been with tons of prostitutes….what makes Linneus different?  He’s a man? Because Glider apparently gives 0 fucks about gender.  Is it because Linneus is more…refined than the other prostitutes he’s seen?  If Glider is way into that, that would solely be a superficial aspect of his affection for him.  He cannot be into Linneus on more than a superfical level because he barely fucking knows him.  I mean what would posses Glider to drop tons of cash on a gift for a prostitute he’s just met?

At least Linneus being into Glider makes more sense.  Though I find it prosperous that out of the 8 years of being a ~super popular~ courtesan Linneus has never had a client be nice to him.  Did he fall in love with any other attractive and or nice clients he’s had before after having sex with them twice?  Probably not.

Meanwhile Atros wanders into his father’s old office that he hasn’t touched.  Wait a sec, how comes he hasn’t been in that room…since before his dad died.  It’s an office, it is full of paperwork he probably needs to run the business.  Are you telling me he started from scratch when he took up the Teahouse? That is pretty much impossible.  Regardless the time period bureaucracies have always been in style and we know that AT LEAST contracts are written and kept on paper here.  So that’s dumb but it only gets dumber.  He opens up a drawer and immediately discovers that his dad wanted to split up Linneus and himself all those years ago…and he’s SHOCKED?  No it makes more sense that after you left for school Linneus immediately stopped writing to you and started licking pickles for nickles. You’ve only known him since he was 3…you know him better than that you outrageous cunt.

Okay here comes the only good part of all the summaries.  Lilith comes into Atros’ office and tells him to grow the fuck up and that Linneus is capable of making his own decisions.

AWWWWWWW YESSSSSSSS SWEET, SWEET LILITH! YOU ARE OFFICIALLY THE BEST CHARACTER!

Though of course he immediately puts Linneus in the shitty position of, “REEXPLAIN A DIFFICULT CHOICE YOU MADE 8 YEARS AGO THAT I AM STILL NOT OVER!!!! YOU MADE THE WRONG CHOICE BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT OF YOUR WELL BEING INSTEAD OF SOME IMPOSSIBLE ROMANTIC IDEAL!”

So yeah Xanthe is still a shit-head.  I find it ridiculous that Xanthe is this defensive with his feelings considering how at every opportunity Linneus has been nothing but overly considerate.

Speaking of which, I get how Xanthe is still pining away over Linneus cause the fucker can never let anything go.  Linneus is showered with affection from wealthy men from all angles but he’s hoping after nearly a decade that Xanthe will change his mind and sweep him off his feet?  I can picture that Linneus gets stringed along for a few years with some of Xanthe’s hot and cold affection but….8 years of being treated like a subhuman slut servant?  I refuse to believe that Linneus hates himself that much.  I’d more readily believe the authors are just desperately jamming him into an unrealistic and sexist forever-pining feminine ideal.

But of course Xanthe holds Linneus’ hand and Linneus ~apologizes.~  What does he have to apologize for? For living his own god damn life and enjoying it even though Xanthe wasn’t the center of it? FUCK ME!  So yeah INSTANTLY Linneus rolls over to being totally monogamous to Xanthe and…who’s Glider again?  Didn’t he like sex work?  Didn’t he just say they shouldn’t fool around because Xanthe needed to focus on his responsibilities at home?  Xanthe hasn’t said he plans to stop sleeping with his wife or Lilith but yeah be sure to dump everything else in YOUR life Linneus.

UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH!

So we get a reveal that Xanthe is reeeeeeeeal close to being able to buy the teahouse. HOW?

1.) He’s the worst businessman on the planet.

2.) Any profits he makes go straight to his wife’s estate because her dad fucking owns it.  Has he convinced Yvette senior that if they make a certain amount annually he has earned the right to own it personally?  Has Xanthe being saving money from his own cut as head of the brothel to buy everything?  I doubt a savvy businessman like Yvette’s father would be willing to sell if it’s really making THAT kind of money…but of course there’s no such thing as a savvy businessman who acts like a savvy businessman in this universe. I mean just look at that tidbit of information.  Xanthe was really close to buying the brothel himself and then he got rid of all his sex workers.  What the hell!?

The end of Rory and Alister Dorian Reed the Second…beckons.

So how do you fail to hook up Lord Mouth Breather and a Blushing Virgin?

Cross-posted on the tumblr.

As is tradition have a weird shipping picture:

Now let’s talk Reed/Rory storyline but first let’s talk Rory/Remy since that’s supposed to be key to this story.

So let’s pick apart the Remy/Rory relationship.

(more…)

The sum of the Axis and Rhys’ pieces.

Ohhh I originally started a riff on the actual summary but I started writing why Axis/Rhys is poorly written speal thanks to an anon…and well one thing lead to another.

As many of you know Teahouse is over and they’ve started posting summaries.  The first being Axis/Rhys…and below is my deconstruction as to why the whole writing of their relationship is baloney.

TAKE THE JUMP IF YOU LIKE IT WHEN I’M A PEDANTIC JACK-OFF!

 

For Axis:

(more…)

Update for 9/25/14!

SFW!  This riff of prostitutes may be my masterpiece!

Let’s Hateo Kaito Rapeo!

Prostitutes r’ Us

…Okay so this riff is hardly a masterpiece it’s just really dumb.

Update for 9/18/14!

SFW! Prostitutes are up even though I’ve haven’t had 3 hours for myself in the past 3 days.  As a reward I’m not asking for much, just accept me as your supreme overlord.

Let’s Hateo Kaito Rapeo!

Prostitutes R’ Us

Edit 1: Sorry I didn’t realize I hadn’t posted the new LHKR

Update for 9/11/14!

SFW!  I’m surprised I had energy for prostitutes.

Let’s Hateo Kaito Rapeo!

Prostitutes r’ Us

They’re so wealthy even the beds are made out of marble.

Update for 9/4/14!

SFW! Prostitutes…what am I even going to do with you?

Let’s Hateo Kaito Rapeo!

Prostitutes r’ Us

Fun Fact:  That older panel I copy pasted in was from nearly 2 years ago.

Update for 8/28/14

SFW! I’m feeling better! Have some melodramatic prostitutes.

Let’s Hateo Kaito Rapeo!

Prostitutes r’ Us

I wrote Gloria/Myself into the riffs so its canon. NO ARGUMENTS!

Update for 8/21/14!

SFW! Prostitutes are almost not wasting pages.

Let’s Hateo Kaito Rapeo!

Prostitutes r’ Us

In the next page the author states that Rhys’ world comes crashing down around him.  I’m hoping that means that Gloria  forbids him from seeing Axis or piping in any more whores until  he gets his shit together.  If that happens I will tongue kiss my computer.

Update for 8/14/14

SFW!

Let’s Hateo Kaito Rapeo!

Prostitutes r’ Us

Linny pic by friend of the blog Annasaugi2!

Pardon me while I continue to laugh at the people  who comment, “Is she supposed to be childish?” and “What a terrible person she is for being feminine.”