Update for 9/30/12!

All SFW! Sweet, sweet prostitutes too.

Pika seems rude

Molest the Monkey

Prostitutes r’ us

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20 Responses to Update for 9/30/12!

  1. okay says:

    This is the Teahouse page that does it for me. Before, they were mildly entertaining (thanks to this riff) yet amateur, cause there’s always that “maybe they’re going somewhere with this” or “maybe they’ll get better.” Nevermind.

  2. Lilly says:

    … Axis and Rhys. These jackasses just irritated the shit out of me. Wait, most men in Teahouse already have. Because we can’t have a HOT sex scene if the seme isn’t at least a cold and heartless monster! A fully consensual fluffy sex scene is for the WEAK!

    Aaaand there’s Emirain whining AGAIN. Can’t they just accept it gracefully? They’re, like, PROFESSIONALS! God!

    • It’s a shame the only couple with a unique dynamic is an INSUFFERABLE dynamic.

      Emirain has an attention problem. They seem to need 200 asslicks for every mildly negative comment, which perplexes the hell out of me seeing as they were paid professional artists. Did nobody at art school once go, “Hey this isn’t amazing?”

      It’s beyond me!

  3. akitotheakita says:

    Are they really going right back to the teahouse? This whole outing was just to introduce this character…Can he even afford a whore on a blacksmith’s salary?

    Victorian money wasn’t green like that…I don’t think.

    • cc says:

      It’s not money, it’s pot pressed into the form of paper currency.

    • I really hope they didn’t do a whole elaborate marketplace set up just to make fun of Axis and add a new character Yet I can’t say I’d be surprised. He could probably afford a ~low class~ prostitute on his salary but as they describe it not the tantrum throwing man children kind. YOU KNOW THE GOOD KIND!

      Victorians didn’t even have paper money. It was entirely coin based if I remember correctly. Honestly it’s exhausting having to correct the inaccuracies so I hardly bother doing that in the riffs anymore.

  4. wanderingaddict says:

    visually they’re so appealing but the plot is so dumb why why it’s like going past a chocolatier shop and staring at all the candy but you just know that the little chocolate T-rex is NOT worth its twenty dollar price tag. still, to eat a chocolate t-rex would be lovely…

    that’s how I feel about this damn comic! like, even this has so much potential! Axis meets a strong, confident homosexual who’s nothing like Linneaus and over time they become friends! Axis comes to understand his sexuality (my guess is a straight-up 3 kinsey scale) and then (gasp!) drama! blacksmith likes him and Axis truly enjoys his friendship! however, Rhys makes a compelling case (even though it’s so NOT love) because he offers incredible power, wealth, and status. Axis struggles with a tough decision over his desires, his plans for his own future, and the very real reality of the fact that he has no marketable skills that could possibly compare to having a life of luxury handed to him on a golden platter! it’s compelling stuff, it’d be fun and way different to read about! not your typical “oh wealthy prince shows up but obviously he’s a douche so girl chooses her heart of course” nor “well the first guy was already there, obviously it won’t work out with new guy who’s just there to throw you off”

    but like, even writing that out is giving more thought to the comic than it’s worth! it just gets to me that there’s so much wasted potential there, most of it simply due to poor writing. they’re talented artists, why not just have a writer write for them for free? any of the hundred kajillion writers on the net would leap at that chance! hell, why not even just have fans do research about the eras they want to have this set in for them? even easier and tons of people would be happy to do it! poor use of resources imo.

    • cc says:

      Axis can only come to terms with his homosexuality by having PrinceDickhead change his mind through his ass being pounded, as per the LAW OF YAOI.

      Honestly speaking they could probably improve the “”"story”"” if they cut down the cast and picked ONE melodrama to focus on.

      • wanderingaddict says:

        out of curiosity, who would you cut, dr. CC? assuming characters being rendered at least marginally likable/smoothed out across the board.

        • Anonymous says:

          Welp, my longass comment got eaten up so I’ll just give the condensed version.

          TH is really about 5+ stories bleeding together and that’s it’s PROBLEM.

          I’d propose breaking it up for easier consumption and refinement (this also assumes that the creators would you know, RESEARCH something or give consequences to actions.)

          Story one, Axis and Rich Asshole
          Characters included: Axis (main), Rich Asshole (antagonist, NOT LOVE INTEREST unless magical writing can be done so that Rich Asshole is not a rapist), Rory (foil that helps develop Axis’ non-asshole side and gives context to his asshole side), Pimpy (gives context to Axis’ situation and makes him actually face consequences from when he makes mistakes)
          Themes: Exploring how two different characters react and have/haven’t coped with their situations. In Axis’ case it could be that he has to learn how he’s hurting himself in the short and long run with his current attitude towards his situation.

        • dr. cc says:

          Story two, Pimpy and Pinky
          Characters included: Pimpy (main), Pinky (childhood friend whom he feels he must “save”), Lilith (upgraded to noble, neutral Antagonist- basically an obstacle that is merely one by just enforcing the rules and expectations of the setting, she doesn’t necessarily have to be an asshole, it’s better if she actually makes valid points in some regards, it makes the situation much more gray)
          Themes: Set it up as gray as possible. Pimpy isn’t in the right simply because he wants to rescue and LOOOOVE Pinky. Pimpy might actually be completely wrong in his interpretation of Pinky’s situation. Hell Pinky might not even LIKE Pimpy for his own reasons. Anything but the swoon bullshit it currently is (just don’t make Pimpy the OWNER of Pinky, it makes so little fucking sense in TH proper), maybe Glider (upgraded to noble) as a sincerely GOOD/NICE GUY who Pinky actually enjoys the company of.

          • dr. cc says:

            Themes explored: Actually exploring what it’s like to be SOLD TO A BROTHEL and how Rory deals with it. WOW WHAT A CONCEPT. Exploring that Rory has to choose between what makes him materialistically happy (high paying but perhaps asshole clients) and personally happy (lower paying but kinder clients), perhaps even some overarching goal such as somehow purchasing freedom (not sure on this, I will confess I have not researched much into the subject) or maybe he has to do this because he must earn some type of alternative income for some reason.

          • dr. cc says:

            (My comments keep getting eaten, I don’t know why)

            Story three, Rory and Mouthbreather
            Characters included: Rory (main), Mouthbreather (antagonist/source of conflict), Pimpy (context), Axis/Pinky/One and/or more of the girls (help flesh out Rory)

    • Yeah I must admit, I WANT TO like Teahouse but I really can’t with how piss poor the story is.

      I like your idea! Since Axis has no marketable skills he needs to become dependent on somebody else which is a real blow to his ego, and through this he kinda better relates to the struggles of women who even if they have marketable skills they are forced to be dependent because they are considered property of the men in their lives.

      Look at us! We’re barely trying and we’ve come up with some vastly more compelling stuff. I know it’s pointless to write what COULD HAVE BEEN on terrible webcomics but I can’t help it. It’s always fun to speculate and spin stories.

      I’m sure writers would line up around the block to have such talent on their stories. Problem being they write what they want and clearly don’t give a shit about the “story” portion. CC (who writes Teahouse) probably feels as if she has writing “chops.” Since she has an artist working on another comic she has written called Fox Sister. Fox sister is mediocre but at least sane compared to Teahouse.

      • wanderingaddict says:

        okay, it IS really fun to read how the two of you would improve the comic. I was actually thinking “who could you possibly cut out Dr. CC? where is there fat when the story is already so thin?” but then after reading all that you’d mentioned, I realized I’d forgotten about everyone but Rhys/sister/Axis and PinkyPimp and Rory. The preggers thing? Sacha and Gildar ALSO having some sorta side story? Lilith and Charlotte (or whatever hefty mcblubbery is called) and the whole Rhys getting married and his deal with his guard captain? all so superfluous! there’s actually a LOT of fat that could be trimmed and fed to the areas where the story is skin and bones!

        lol it actually is WAY fun to speculate on this. I really the idea of Axis going through a “coming to terms/of age” thing where he starts to realize that maybe playing a bad boy for rich women isn’t everything it used to be? or maybe there’s more involved, like societal changes where since (ostensibly) it’s socially acceptable for women to go to brothels and pursue their own sexual desires, he has to deal with class-based SES issues where no matter what he does, he’s always going to be a pretty toy to the wealthy nad nothing more. and I really like cheesecake’s idea of giving Lilith more power! I’m just going to come out and say that I like Lilith and think she’s one of the raddest people in the whole comic. yeah, she’s a petty bitch but if everything around you is a douchebag or incredibly slappable, I think I’d be a bitch too. there could totally be a great story that either ties her current courtesan status to her bastard birth or something, or even a rags to riches story that focuses on burning ambition and destroying all traces of her past.

        personally I hate pinky, as he’s all ukes personified and the whole thing where Gildar rejects two incredibly gorgeous, shapely women to fuck… well what’s basically a stick in hot pants was just gross to me. skeevy on a lotta levels (because I mean who could possibly be interested in a mean slut like Lilith or a dumpy bufoon like CLARET THAT”S HER NAME!). I’d dig if he was actually aiming for a more trans route or even just gloried in the whole androgyny thing, but all the stuff about him wanting to get mpreg and stuff… it’s just so distasteful.

        but anyways, if you have Lilith, Axis, and Rory (or Pinky if it were done any other way that the, heh, “swoon” way) then that is a nice variety right? enough to switch between characters for dramatic pauses and to keep things fresh for the readers, but it’s restricted enough that it’s never just a constant influx of new characters that people are just like “welp. that happened. okay? significance?” etc.

        • dr.cc says:

          Of course, really the biggest issue is just how pointlessly distracted everything is in proper TH.

          Also welcome to on of my favorite pasttimes, wondering “what could have been” in as efficient steps as possible!

          As an aside, I don’t think Lilith has really been that petty considering the characters around her because for the life of the comic, certain circles of characters never REALLY interact together. I really don’t think it’s petty of her to be mad/aggressive towards Pinky either, having your boss possibly be making WISTFUL EYEBROWS at one of his employees can be infuriating.

          Especially since we don’t even know how the full operation is even run- for all we know Pinky gets special favors/privileges.

          My “other favorite” (I am very loose with this term) is Rory because when he isn’t dealing with Mouthbreather he’s probably the most proactive/effective despite being a bit meek, that’s nearly 2 dimensions there. He actually stood up to Axis being an asshole and that will always be brownie points in my book.

        • “who could you possibly cut out Dr. CC? where is there fat when the story is already so thin?” It’s thin in actual content but not in the amount its trying to accomplish.

          Let me blab about what I’d actually do to the comic, cause hell this is fun.

          If I’d have to pick one dynamic I’d pick Rhy/Axis since that’s the only dynamic that’s not beaten to death. Though I’d do something different with it. Have it set in a more modern atmosphere, have Axis lower class, and wanting to spend all his money on alcohol (drugs?) and partying but he hits rock bottom and reluctantly prostitutes himself. He comes across a pampered rich boy looking for a thrill and unashamed of his homosexuality. Axis would rather prostitute himself to women but beggars can’t be choosers. He finds himself enjoying the acts more then he thought he would and while he initially hates Rhys he finds that the two have more in common then he thought. The two clash egos frequently but end up becoming something between friends and lovers and go out partying and drinking all the time.

          Eventually Rhys’ high fluent relatives crack down on his behavior. Rhys doesn’t want to leave Axis behind so he uses his influence to get him a spot in a high class brothel servicing mostly women and making tons of money. Axis is thrilled to be making money hand over fist, to be in the high life, and to service women (even though he now realizes he has some bisexual tenancies.) Yet Axis comes to realize that the higher class will never consider him “one of them” and he’s just a sexual toy for them and nobody takes him seriously. While he thought Rhys was a lot of fun he has just been sexually exploiting him this whole time. So while he’ll deeply miss Rhys he cuts him out of his life and leaves. (It could end there or Rhys could throw a fit and try to drag him back or try to murder him out of frustration so on and so forth. Or maybe years later come back into his life and sabotage his relationship with his wife and children? I do like the idea that Axis grows out of the petty behavior but Rhys never does.)

        • If I had to do something more concrete with the high class brothel and the other characters it’d go something like this:

          1st off Rhys and Axis and all those connected plot lines completely cut. I would have it focus on Pinky and have him be transgendered (who’s surprised) he initially starts off as a girly boy prostitute, and Pimpy falls in love with his feminity and their bond from childhood. Since Pinky wants to do a full transition Pimpy takes him out of prostitution and makes him a maid and tries to get everybody to treat him like a woman, (though everybody knows where he’s really from.) Lillith at the start seems just like the cardboard cut out petty jealous bitch, but we find out that she’s desperately trying to earn her freedom, that perhaps she has a husband and children elsewhere that she very much wants to return to, but she cannot since she’s a sex slave.

          Rory then comes into the picture as a young lad (could even be a girl) who wants to earn money for their family. He claims he’s there by choice and earning money for his sick mother but really his family is full of poor dead-beats who sold him and convinced him to send a good portion of his earnings their way so they could live well off of his work. Pinky takes him under his wing since he used to be a prostitute. Through Pinky/other prostitutes/his own self discovery Rory is able to man up and cut off his mooching family. Rory may also get a few other minor storylines such as a creepy client who tries to kidnap him, or serious health problem that arises from his profession.

          Though Pinky acts like the mother hen to all the prostitutes, partially out of guilt that he no longer works that life due to his special “privilege.” Some of the prostitutes still hate him (like Lillith) but he genuinely does his best for them and develops a bond with Rory. I’d also like Pinky to be the oldest, and like the idea that he’s older then even Pimpy, perhaps in his mid thirties.

          Through Rory and a few other minor cases, Pinky comes to realize how awful a brothel Pimpy is running. Pimpy acts like a COMPLETELY different person around Pinky and lies through his teeth to him which makes it hard for Pinky to realize. Pimpy acts totally different because he truly has a soft spot for Pinky, he reminds him of better days, and he wishes the brothel ran the way he paints it to Pinky but in reality he has to be very cut throat and cruel to his employees in order to beat out the competition. (Though he still does not see most of the prostitutes as “people.”) Maybe a problem comes to a head when a former client of Pinky is found to be stalking him and confronts him. He refuses to accept Pinky wants to be a woman, and rapes him. When Pimpy finds this out he loses his shit and has the former client murdered. When Pinky finds out about that, its the straw that breaks the camel’s back and Pinky tries to run off with the other prostitutes. They don’t get far and Pimpy acts exceedingly cruel in retribution to everybody except Pinky even though Pinky claims all responsibility.

          Pinky in a desperate attempt to get across what a vile shit Pimpy is, slits his own throat in front of Pimpy. Pimpy only then comes to realize all of what he has done. He disbands the brothel, tries to set Rory up at a different profession with no prostitution and makes sure the man who tried to kidnap him before can’t touch him. Pimpy finds another profession and lives the rest of his life with his “true family” in solemn regret of all that he has done.

          SAD END!

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