Story Brain Storming Sunday: ASEXUALS!

It’s that time!

I encourage people to give suggestions to mine or any story posted.  If you think somebody’s idea totally rules or totally sucks that’s cool. BUT you have to give at least one reason why.  I will probably be doing some playful devil’s advocate all over the place.  Hopefully we can have fun and learn about writing from each other.

It won’t have to be BL orientated, but combating beaten to death cliches will give you major bonus points.

This week prompt is: ASEXUAL ROMANCE!

We’re all very familiar with straight and gay romances but what about asexuals? Whether they’re hetero or homo romantic, whether they do or do not engage in sex. What would you do with an asexual or two?

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55 Responses to Story Brain Storming Sunday: ASEXUALS!

  1. Stardigrade says:

    Can I take a moment to be upset over the direction Sheldon Cooper is going in Big Bang Theory?

    First of all, I fell out of love with Big Bang Theory about Season 3. It’s a coincidence that’s when Sheldon’s supposed love interest came into the picture, I just felt the writing had got really formulaic and lazy by that point.

    Sheldon Cooper is a unique character. I’d say most people hail him for having Autism-Spectrum traits with a significant role in TV, maybe even being one of the first. But to me, Sheldon was ALWAYS fascinating because of the way he was portrayed as Asexual.

    Of course he’s a poor representation of Asexuals as whole (they most certainly do NOT have to be on the spectrum) but having any kind of genuine Asexual in mainstream TV is novel! And it wasn’t even shown as a detriment – Sheldon Cooper was snarky, cool and completely comfortable in his own skin.

    Having Amy Ferrofowler as a love interest was interesting, it didn’t bother me at all at first. Well. It bothered me a little that she shared many of Sheldon’s traits, it would have been more interesting if she was Neurotypical, interracial romance isn’t taboo anymore, why should neurotypical/neutroatypical be a big deal?
    As we got to know Amy, we learned more about her and we learnt that unlike Sheldon, she is aware she is a woman and /has/ a sex-drive. This is cool.

    I haven’t been paying attention so much to recent episodes but I caught the episode where Sheldon admits to the others that he wants to build up to sexual intimacy with Amy with time.

    In my ideal continuity, Sheldon and Amy would not have remained together. Amy would have gone out with someone neuroatypical and Sheldon would continue to be happy in his own world, keeping Amy as a valuable friend meanwhile.

    I enjoyed watching a unique, asexual character who had finally found a happy place for himself. And I enjoyed watching a heterosexual neuroatypical girl try to find friends and love. I just wish they’re paths didn’t collide.

    • Stardigrade says:

      That’s not to say Asexuals wouldn’t search for friends or love (sexually active or otherwise), but it’s clear that Sheldon was very content with his friendship circle and had no desire for any relationship beyond platonic until season 3.

    • Wanda says:

      Yeah, it’s basically this whole “EVERYONE MUST HAVE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER” bullshit that the media forces on absolutely every show and movie. It’s why people think you must be paired up with someone in real life or else you’re a sad, depressed individual (apparently?). My dad had the same opinion about the show Bones. He said it was so much better before the two main characters got together, because he said now they have a kid that they constantly ignore to go do their job, a job which is the focus of the show. Why have the kid in the first place?! Because they have to! That’s how romance works! Duh!

      Two rules of Hollywood: 1) Don’t be single and 2) Men and women can never ever be good friends.

      • Stardigrade says:

        Argh this this this.

        I hate that every friendship cannot be platonic, I hate that every romance leads to children. I can’t relate to it at all, it frustrates me, it’s BORING to see time and time again and it really reeks of out-dated 1950′s ideals that are long obsolete.

        It’s just so sad because a lot of people in the Neuroatypical community RELATED to Big Bang Theory (I can’t speak for the Asexual community) and the show is now just “Friends” with nerds.

        • Wanda says:

          Yeah, my best friend love Big Bang Theory but said she hated that they had to pair Sheldon up with someone when he was just fine on his own. He has friends to live with and have fun with, and that’s what’s important. Honestly, when I lived with my best friend in college, I couldn’t imagine a better arrangement. We had the convenience of living together so we could talk or hang out whenever we wanted, but none of the drama of a relationship. It was like some form of beautiful friend marriage. XD

          But yeah, hate how everyone has to have kids. Nasty little varmints, they are. XD

  2. Stardigrade says:

    Sorry, “Amy would have gone out with someone NEUROTYPICAL”. Damn same-sounding words.

  3. Mawichan says:

    It would be fine to see a story in which we aren’t given the “asexual characers can become ‘normal’ if a sexual person loves them enough” ass pull.

    Ahem. it would be acceptable, say, if the asexual party of the couple CONSENTS to sex to please his/her partner, even showing them enjoying at least a little would be fine, but it shouldn’t go like they went crazy for it to the point they fuck like rabbits.

    Anyway, another thing would be that they don’t necessarilly make the character’s asexuality the result of a trauma or abuse, IRL more often than not it just is.

    And last don’t make them too emotionless or too stoic. Asexuals might not feel sexual attraction and just sometimes not even romantic atraction, but they still have feelings, they can feel happy, angry, sad, confused, energic, embarassed etc, etc.

    Okay it is possoble to pull the trauma/abuse part, but treated it with respect and done for characterization instead of wagnst.

    Same for the emotionless. Should be done for the personality and developement.

    • Wanda says:

      Ahem. it would be acceptable, say, if the asexual party of the couple CONSENTS to sex to please his/her partner, even showing them enjoying at least a little would be fine, but it shouldn’t go like they went crazy for it to the point they fuck like rabbits.

      I don’t know. I can see why this would squick some people out. I am speaking as a person with a very low sex drive, possibly gray asexual, but I don’t think many sexual people can handle the idea of their partner just tolerating sex. Like, if I were a sexual person with an asexual partner, I’d just masturbate or something. I know that many asexuals say they don’t mind occasional sex if it makes their partner happy, but it’s always kind of bothered me, the idea of forcing yourself on someone who doesn’t really like it. It’s like if I wanted to go to a baseball game and my partner hated baseball. I’d just go with a friend who loved baseball and save my partner the headache and save myself the guilt of forcing them to do something they don’t like so that I can enjoy myself. That’s why I think it’d be a great idea for a sexualXasexual pairing to explore open relationships. That seems to make more sense to me. The sexual person gets to have sex guilt-free and then can come home and cuddle with their asexual partner.

      Also, there are demisexuals and gray sexuals who fully enjoy sex if it’s with a specific person that they love. It all depends on how it’s done. Obviously if the writing and characterization is poor, it won’t make any sense and is probably offensive.

      I agree that having asexuality as the result of abuse is a bad idea. If you are a man, being abused by a man doesn’t make you gay. It’s the result of poor research, IMHO.

      • Stardigrade says:

        This woman wrote on a forum about how her romantic partner was asexual but she had several sexual partners and he was totally cool with that. It’s an option that would be fascinating in a story, just a thing on the side that doesn’t attribute anything to the actual story but makes the character’s relationships that little bit more interesting.

        I mean seriously, sex is NOT the final frontier of intimacy in a relationship, that is such an out-dated mindset. Exploring how two people can be intimate without romance and the bare minimum of physical contact could be a beautiful thing to see.

  4. Wanda says:

    I probably lean more toward aromantic than asexual, or maybe I don’t and I just don’t get out enough. Who knows. I sure don’t. I’ve been keeping up with 50 Shades of A written by Tab (the person who did Khaos Komix) and while I understand that asexuals come in all shapes and sizes, I am always wary of highly sexual people portraying asexuals. I don’t know if they ever “get” it. And as an aromantic (probably?), it doesn’t reflect my experience at all. But there are asexuals who are very romantically-minded, so I guess they have the right to see themselves portrayed.

    Personally, I’m a huge sucker for romance (I just have no desire to be personally involved). And when an asexual comes onto the scene, it feels too personal and I get mad when it’s not done “right” (as in, a way I can relate to). Obviously that’s wrong, because there are a million ways to be asexual, and there are demisexuals and gray asexuals who do feel sexual desire and have a great deal of fun with their sexual partners. So generally I’m not interested in reading stories about asexuals. Usually because it’s written by non-asexuals. And if it IS written by asexuals, it’s usually written by a romantically-minded asexual, who cares all about the cuddles and not about the sex, and I’m totally the opposite. XD

    Shit’s complicated, yo. To be honest, fiction is a much safer place for asexuals than feminist blogs. Holy shit, mention something about not masturbating on a feminist blog and you’ll be told all the ways you must hate your body. THANKS, GUYS! THANKS A LOT FOT THAT.

    • Stardigrade says:

      Seems Asexuals are more misunderstood than LGBT. :( The grey area that cannot exist, because everyone /must/ be sexual to some degree right?

      I myself am not asexual but relate to asexuals in a bizarre way. I love asexual characters, especially when they are personalities you don’t expect to be.

      • Wanda says:

        I think it touches a nerve within the feminist community (well, the WHITE feminist community) because they’ve fought so hard to have a right to dress as “slutty” as they want and be as “slutty” as they want and here are these pesky asexual women invading their picnic and bitching about their freedom to abstain. ASEXUALS, RAIDING YOUR FEMINIST PICNIC.

        A lot within the community can’t tell the difference between sex-negativity and asexuality, and that’s the problem.

        • Stardigrade says:

          What we need is more positive awareness of Asexuality, through art music and fanfic. I say rally the troops and target tumblr with all your force!

    • Stardigrade says:

      Relating to your masturbation story, when I was about 16 and everyone around me was pretty sexually active, and I confessed to a small group in English Lang. that I was not, a girl exclaimed “well you definately masturbate, she must most CERTAINLY masturbate”. Because the idea of a female who hasn’t had an orgasm at that age with someone else or otherwise is SO HARD TO COMPREHEND xDDDD I honestly hadn’t even attempted properly at that point and didn’t feel the need to until later on, and it was natural and so long as I knew I wasn’t a freak, I was fine.

      • Wanda says:

        Recently I asked some of the ladies on the site Jezebel and their replies were generally helpful/non-judgemental, but I’ve seen the “you have to masturbate, you’re a liar if you say you don’t” sentiment elsewhere, usually on feminist-minded websites. It’s so fucking irritating, because they act exactly like the conservative Christians telling me what I have to do with my body. I wish people would just shut up about what others do with their bodies. Use it, don’t use it, eat lots of jello, whatever you want. XD

        I often think the most feminist minded people are the most sexual, because sexual women are probably the most discriminated against, thus driving them to feminism. So sometimes I feel so alienated from the community, as much as I love it.

        • Stardigrade says:

          My first experience with masturbation was a failure and gave me such a downer I didn’t try again for about three more years. I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t feel aroused and above all I only did it because I felt obligated to. At that point, my sex-drive was absent and friends were making comments about my lack of interest in sex or sexual things, it was like being on another planet. I thought I could kick-start my own sexuality by doing so, but nope. Doesn’t work like that.

          When I tried again three years later, it wasn’t on behalf of anybody else and it didn’t feel like a duty. I did it for myself for my own release and it wasn’t great but I felt accomplished. (Orgasms usually get better with practice).

          So yeah, feminists, fuck off :3

          • Wanda says:

            Yeah, when I asked that was basically what they said: practice lots. Also, they told me that sometimes it takes two hours. And I was like “Fuck that, man”. I got better shit to do. Think of all the Sims I could be playing with that time!

            Being as I have no clue where I really sit on the sexuality spectrum, I tried it in hopes that it might clarify things, but it felt like absolutely nothing and I quit trying after five minutes because I thought it was stupid. Basically it made me MORE confused, which sucked. So I’m thinking I’m not going to try again unless for some reason I feel oddly compelled.

          • Stardigrade says:

            You have to have an urge to do it, if you don’t have an urge then you can rub away for two hours and not get anywhere and that’s where frustration sets in.
            Speaking for myself, I usually find the menstrual cycle decides when I’ll be urged enough to masturbate. I can go days without doing it, and then for a two-day period I’ll do it a dozen times xD
            Maybe you’ve yet to discover exactly what gives you an urge? Or maybe you won’t or you will but it won’t be in /that/ way. And that’s totally ok too.

          • Stardigrade says:

            Also, it definitely shouldn’t take two hours if you’re in the right frame of mind ~__~ Fucking idiots giving you bad advice dems what it is.

          • Wanda says:

            From what I’ve gleaned from my findings is that your mindset is important. I guess there are some really determined and stubborn people out there willing to put in two hours. I think the physical aspect of myself is a turn-off. I think I look just fine, but I don’t really see myself as a sexual being? I think in some way you have to be turned on by your own body, and that’s the part I find impossible. It’s probably the same reason I avoid all form of flirtation and wear unsexy clothes. I get the heebie jeebies when someone thinks of me in a way that is different from how I think of myself.

            This is turning into a diary entry I’m sure no one cares about, but this is the best explanation I have thus far managed to come up with, so yay for me I guess. DX

          • Anonymous says:

            I don’t think you have to find yourself attractive to do it. When I went through my two year depression that was filled with self-loathing and doubt, I certainly didn’t have myself on the brain whilst rubbing one out xDDD Back then it was a quick escape and release in a vile time in my life I never want to repeat. Like 5, 10, 15 minutes just focusing on the sensation of getting to climax, it was really nothing more than that. But I would definitely say masturbating helped me to love myself and my body in a way I don’t quite understand how. Hormones yo.
            (I too am certainly not the type to wear skimpy clothes or even /talk/ to people I find attractive.)

          • Stardigrade says:

            Also, go figure, I don’t know bean about my sexuality either. I just say “pansexual” for conveniance but I don’t know how true that is or what direction I swing. Masturbation can’t help you on that ground I’m afraid.

          • Wanda says:

            You still have to be turned on by SOMETHING. Or else you’d get turned on getting a pap smear. Well, maybe some women do, aha. I certainly wasn’t. XD I think that some people with sensitive parts can do it without a positive mindset, without thinking much at all. But it felt like wiggling my fingers around in my mouth. There was just . . . nothing. So in order to feel anything, I think I would have to put myself in a mindset which I have thus far found impossible to achieve.

            I find people aesthetically attractive but have never had a crush on anyone in my life. I tried a brief stint of online dating and it was awful. And honestly, the guys were totally fine. I just hated myself for being a passive aggressive douchenozzle. I was honestly crying to my mother in a middle of a restaurant. So yeah, I stopped that. XD

          • Stardigrade says:

            Very first time I tried it, it felt like that too. The vagina’s actually pretty insensitive to touch, which is why it doesn’t kill us if someone kicks us down there xD.
            But you come to find there’s a very specific part of the clitoris that is responsive to touch. It may only be a little at first, just a little more sensitive than the rest of the area. That tends to vary on person to person, but I would say it’s about the side of the tip of the clitoris. You don’t need toys or anything, just the tip of your right-hand index finger (or left if your a leftie).

            You want to work in very small movements, micro-movements, it’s that small an area. Once you find it, just work at that area with the same micro-movement, don’t go anywhere else. The key to orgasm is repetitive movement in a single very small area, if you’re rubbing all over the place hoping to feel some kind of sensitivity, it’s simply not gonna happen.

            Thinking about the things that turn you on whilst doing it speeds it up, makes it better/faster but maybe I’m part of a minority that can do it without thinking of anything in particular? xD I don’t think it’s mandatory.

          • Wanda says:

            Hopefully no one is kicking anyone in the vagina. The vulva, maybe. But it does makes sense. Ya know, babies and all.

            Thanks for the tip. It’s questionable to whether I’ll give it a go, but I’m always open to info. After my last attempt, I spent like three days feeling bummed out, so I’m not exactly rushing to try it again. Basically any time I think of anything regarding my own sexuality, I get depressed, so now I’m just avoiding it. XD

          • Stardigrade says:

            If it bothers you that you can’t get masturbation to work for you then you clearly do have a libido. If it was absent, it wouldn’t bother you at all!

            Best thing is to not over-think it. If you spend the whole time trying thinking “Yeah, this isn’t going anywhere, this is stupid what I am doing” then OF COURSE nothing is going to happen. Take a bath or something before hand and try to not think too much. x3

          • wanda says:

            Nah, the frustration comes more from this idea that I’m not “normal”. I know it’s bs, but I’ve suffered 23 years of societal conditioning. I don’t really care about the masturbation, but when the world around you constantly informs you how AWESOME and GREAT and PERFECT sexual desire is, you’re bummed when you realize you just don’t have it in you. It’s not something the rules my life, obviously. Most of my time is spent thinking about other stuff. But it sucks occasionally to think about. And honestly, the urge does not strike when I don’t think about it. Thinking about it is the only reason I tried it in the first place. XD

            Sexuality, man. It’s fucked up.

          • Stardigrade says:

            Pretty much everything you’ve described is normal really. A lot of women don’t feel desire that often. A lot of women probably won’t have sex till their 30′s. Just ‘cos a particular group of women get a lot of publicity doesn’t mean it’s a big group. In fact, nearly every girl I’ve spoken to has at least one insecurity or inhibition when it comes to sex.

            But “bah” I say, who gives a monkey’s arse what “normal” is. I’ve never had any kind of romantic relation, never dated point blank – aged 21. Technically I am not normal. I did not go to university, not pursue further education or work and I choose to stay at home, housekeep and teach myself whatever I want to know – technically I am not normal.
            Worrying about fitting in made me very ill, the pressure of not knowing my next step in life whilst all my friends were all on the same level was sky-high.
            But once I accepted that what works for everyone else won’t necessarily work for me, everything started to come together and I managed to find some peace.

    • rags says:

      I have a feminist friend. She’s normally of the reasonable sort, so I was willing to let it slide, but once she was talking with her aunt about how there has to be something wrong with anyone who doesn’t want sex/romance, and that they’re just repressed because blah blah patriarchy. We were in a car, and I was just sitting in the back seat going ‘uuuhhhhhh’.

      She didn’t know I’m asexual, so it wasn’t like anything pointed, but I’d been considering telling her and that completely stopped it.

      • Stardigrade says:

        Was it difficult coming out as Asexual to friends/family?

        • rags says:

          Yeah, in the sense that I don’t think they take it very seriously. My mother thinks I’m secretly a lesbian and that is just some kind of coverup. And nearly everyone else is telling me I’ll have to get married and have kids some day, because I’ll be ‘lonely’. I think the only one who really understands is my little sister.

          • Stardigrade says:

            Ha, my mum used to play the “you’ll be lonely with noone to take care of you” card. It’s invalid- there are countless old people who’s kids don’t see ‘em or just plain don’t give a shit, you can hire a lovely nurse to look after you instead :P

            I hope you don’t let your mum’s lack of understanding bother you too much :(

      • Wanda says:

        But feminists are man-haters! Why are they advocating romance!?

        Joking aside, that’s very sucky of your friend. A lot of feminist-minded people seem to think that asexuals have no right to complain because “our prudish culture is totally asexual!” Yeah, no. Sex-negativity and asexuality are not the same thing. DX And yes, our culture is SOOO asexual. Just look at Robin Thicke’s latest video! I’m sure he just wanted to take all those ladies out to tea!

  5. cc says:

    I’m awful with actual romance so I’ll (mostly) sit this one out.

    I do feel that asexuality just isn’t really handled/maintained in most media (“It’s just a phase” apparently :|). I almost want to say it’s a misconception/misunderstanding of fans and their shipping but since when the fuck did mainstream media care about fans aside from their market value?

  6. rags says:

    I’m asexual/aromantic, and I do enjoy seeing loving depictions of sexuality between two people, which… tends to be hard to find in itself, especially in yaoi, as creepy as the fandom tends to be with dub-con/non-consent, especially when they aren’t recognized as such.

    I tend to ship characters from non-BL fandoms. And then mostly I make them bromance more than actual romance. And I hadn’t realized I was doing it until recently, but most of my characters tend towards some aromanticism. Some have sex drives, some don’t. But I don’t think anyone ever really wants ‘love’ in the way most people do, to where they go join dating websites and things like that. Once they grow attached to someone, then yeah, they love them, but until then, nah.

    I don’t think I’ve seen any depiction of asexuality in BL. …not sure that I really want to, considering characters tend to get forced into things anyway. Seeing that happen to someone who identifies as I do would be… man, I really wish so much of the yaoi group weren’t such twits.

    • Wanda says:

      I love writing/reading about relationships/romance/sexuality, but I always end up writing about fierce friendships too. To me, friendships are the most pure form of love, because you don’t really get anything from them except . . . well, friendship. Relationships come and go, and so do friendships sometimes, but I think most friendships outlast relationships, for good reason.

      I’ve had one demisexual character who only wanted sex after he fell in love. That’s the extent of my exploration, because otherwise it feels a little too personal for me. :/ I like to read about people who I can’t identify with, because then I’m not disappointed in what they do.

      Yaoi’s a baaad place to look for anything but porn, unfortunately. XD

      • rags says:

        Yesss, ‘fierce friendships’ is a good way to put it. :D They make me feel so happy and fluffy inside, I would really rather watch something friendship-based for either bromance, girls, boys and girls, anything in between, as long as it doesn’t eventually lead to hooking up.

  7. RC says:

    Oh, hey, more space to write here!

    I have an male asexual spectrum character who will end up in a relationship with a childhood friend FtM. They won’t be going past kissing, petting or just being naked with each other. Because Asexual CAN be sexual with others. They just respond different/have different needs and really are just as varied as any sexually active person.

    It will be interesting to write. I admit I’m using it to test my thinking, research and awareness abilities and to play around with some ideas and concepts that have bugged me.

    The subject that the asexual character might be ‘broken’ due to not being nero-normal(?Am I using that right?) or because of the medication he takes is brought up (and touches a personal note for me) because I know that is something that comes up when people are trying to ‘figure out’ asexuals (because everyone responds the same to sex, right?).

    It’s left open- the character points out that even before medication he wasn’t sexually responsive like a ‘normal’ person and he is not going to fiddle with his medication to test the theory (I love the FtM character, but one of his flaws in relationships is he always pushes for things that in his mind, should help the other person the way he thinks they should be helped. It’s what broke his last relationship, he’s learned but the flaw is still there).

    So one of the issues is the FtM hinting that maybe the asexual should change his meds- that gets shot down and set on fire (as it should IMOP).

    The first time I have them ‘together’ is they are in a bath tub together and the FtM is hold the Asexual. That’s about as “sex-ed up” as they get,outside of kissing.

    I have another character who could also be called some form of asexual who’s specialty is foot worship. People make appointments with her to sit in grave yards, talk about poet and to touch her feet.

    I’m not sure what kind of relationship the ‘main’ couple are going to have. Mostly because of all the hang ups and issues the one has and the other is like “Um…okay? Is there isn’t a book on this, help?”

    I do agree that main stream media’s instance of pair everyone up into twos with kids is repetitive and just blech so I HOPE I don’t write myself into that trap. Mostly because I don’t see the main pair marrying or having kids. A business partnership most likely (which is just another word marriage really).

    I’m up to 8 pages of script writing at the moment! Woo, now I just need to not fall into a sobbing mess and destroy it.

    • Stardigrade says:

      The implication I get from the FtM character pushing the asexual character to experiment with his meds is that he has active sexual urges – How will this affect his relationship with the asexual character if they cannot be satisfied? Will he go elsewhere?

  8. I can’t really add much to the asexuality discussion that hasn’t already been said. Also I’m a flamingly sexual person so it’s hard for me to relate to much besides a story or two about my asexual best bud.

    Though I just want to say I’m so happy to see people openly discussing it so much! I didn’t know I had so many fans that lent toward the asexuality end of the spectrum.
    Thanks folks!

    • Wanda says:

      Yeah, I bet you didn’t expect the in-depth descriptions of how people masturbate, didya? XD

      Speaking as both an extreme introvert and someone probably somewhere on the asexual spectrum, I have lots of time to be on the internet, ranting and raving about things I don’t like/do like. :D

    • Stardigrade says:

      Sorry if the masturbation topic seems exclusive, I’m pretty open about private stuff with everyone on or offline and it ain’t limited to sex /believe me/ *IBS sufferer*.

      • Wanda says:

        My problem is all my friends are huge prudes and I cannot talk to anyone I know about these sorts of things. Which is why I may end up dragging my issues onto a public forum. XD


        • Stardigrade says:

          Ah now that would drive me insane. My best buddy is quite happy to walk around in his underpants sporting a full erection and share his bed with friends almost naked, and sharing witty bowel anecdotes. We need more people like this to keep us sane.

          • Wanda says:

            Yeah, when it comes to people touching me . . . no. XD I am prudish in my ways, just not in my thoughts. I live alone and I STILL close the bathroom door when I shower. And being friends with introverted prudes has its definite perks. No one had any significant others so we had lots of fun nerdy movie/board game nights in college. And the best part, no one ever sat around and told us how boring we were. *side-eyes coworkers*

          • Stardigrade says:

            Aw that sounds like a fun time. The nerds I hung out with all got as much action as anyone else, it seems to be easier in the UK, there’s just more of our kind xD
            Gotta say the worst friends I had in my teens were too enamored with tongue-tennis to remember they had friends, and were also caught up in extremely boring nerdy fads like Yu-Gi-Oh. There was oh-so many serious conversations about sex and relationships, and then make a sex /joke/ and everyone stares daggers at you for being immature. Aha. (C’mon guys, it’s as bad as talking about the weather after a while.)

          • Wanda says:

            Oh, I’m sure there are PLENTY of nerds who get laid. It can’t be that hard. We were just not those kind of nerds. Because we were prudish introverts who preferred hanging out watching Harry Potter to any actual social interaction with the opposite sex. My one friend had a boyfriend, but he was probably the only non-gay male who ever hung out at our house, and despite his near constant presence, I think I might have said maybe ten sentences to him in four years. Generally, I just get along with women way better, and my friends were the same way (well, except the one with the boyfriend)

            I don’t get Yu-Gi-Oh, though I had a brief obsession with the abridged series on Youtube. My friends in college all met through the Japanese club, so they were all big anime nerds and I pretty much dislike 98% of anime. We found other nerdy things to like together, I guess. My high school was located in Podunk, Hicksville, so I’m still shocked I even HAD friends.

          • Stardigrade says:

            My friends’ university experiance involved a lot of Harry Potter and not hunting for potential mates, I think it’s standard fare really and all those College Rom-Coms are wrong.

            Now I’ve always preferred the company of males myself, I can rarely relate to women. The few women I have seen eye-to-eye with, we’ve related and synchronised /too/ well, morphed into more of a relationship and then ended up falling out on a bitter note. I have no idea how it happens but I do tend to be clingy e___e And jealous.

            All of my nerd buds LOVED Yu-Gi-Oh: TAS. I remember watching the orginal anime a few times and thinking it was the worst thing ever. Their second love was table-top games like D&D which I also loathed with a passion. Third loves were Death Note, Naruto, Bleach and other shitty-arse mainstream bullshit that is overrated and deserve to die bloodily.

            I think anime tastes will always be divisive :( My current real world anime-bud enjoys CLAMP stuff and Hunter x Hunter with me, and for everything obscure I have the internet. For now, this is fine!

          • Wanda says:

            Even if they’re not wrong, oh well. I had fun in college, and that’s what matters. Unfortunately my best friend moved back home and it sucks cuz we were like twins and it sucks not having her around to take my issues to. :/

            Ahaha, well, that’s understandable. XD I think that’s why I’ve gotten along with women, because there have never been any romantic misunderstandings. >_> I’m sure if I befriended more lesbians/bisexual women, maybe it would be. But I have, like, five friends, and to my knowledge they are all straight/gray asexual. My slight malephobia probably started in high school and I think it started my habit of gravitating toward women first. They’ve just always treated me better. :/

            Dude, Yu-Gi-Oh is so bad. My brother watched Naruto and Death Note too, but I couldn’t watch it for more than few minutes without getting pissed off. WHY ARE YOU TALKING. WHY AREN’T YOU FIGHTING GAH.

            There are maybe one or two anime movies I actively enjoyed (and I’ve seen a lot, due to aforementioned brother) and maybe one series, but even stuff like Spirited Away is not my taste at all. And it’s always what people recommend when I tell them I don’t like anime. It’s just not meant to be. XD

          • Stardigrade says:

            I have issues with people in general, no preference to either sex. I’ve managed to find friends in both, though certain personality types I find it difficult around. For example the more sporty/macho type I can’t relate to at all, as that was 98% of the guys in my High School. The sporty girls were even worse. At the end of the day, there’s just people.
            I have a subconscious checklist in my head on what qualifies a person to be my friend. I imagine it looks for emotional sensitivity, creativity and I have no commmon-sense at all, so I need someone near-by to have that!
            It just so happens nearly all of those people are male. And mostly gay, with a few exceptions.

            Well anime and manga are sooo varied and stupidly diverse, it’d be a mighty shame if you couldn’t find a genre or author that appealed to you. Hell I’ve read manga about a mother dealing with a daughter with Down’s syndrome that was clearly written for an older Japanese female market, the style it was drawn in was so withdrawn from any of the gooey-eyed mainstream stuff we’re used to.
            I’m not a Spirited Away fan either. I’m one of the few few people who doesn’t care for Miyazaki/Ghibli stuff xD There’s a couple of their films I’m fond of like Princess Mononoke and Castle of Cagliostro but I have too many issues with their films. Bland character designs, bland personalities.

          • Wanda says:

            Well, I don’t think I’m put in circumstances that put me in the company of men. I do not have “manly” hobbies. I rode horses in high school (99% female), was an art and writing major in college (art is about 70% female, writing was shockingly about 50%), and my hobbies of art and writing are generally female-dominated (at least online). I actually had mostly male friends until I hit puberty. Then I got acne and braces and all those other lovely things puberty brings (well, still have the acne, but with meds it’s under control), and I think boys generally avoided me. So I just got used to women and now that’s who I gravitate toward. I do have a great relationship with my dad though, which many women lack. So at least there’s that.

            Studio Ghibli has always struck me as pretentious, like they’re trying too hard. I feel the same way about a lot of indie films too (though usually they’re preferable to Hollywood’s stupidity). I’m not a movie person to begin with. Usually I’ll only watch movies based on books I’ve read or children’s movies, because they seem like the only movies that don’t rely entirely upon offensive and/or sex jokes to get a laugh.

  9. blankface says:

    Personally, I’d like to see more asexual stories were the character’s asexuality is normalized. Most of the ace fic I’ve found has always made a really big deal out of the fact that the characters are ace, and it just gets kind of tiring after a while. I used to identify as ace (no longer do, sexuality is fluid and all), and I would have a hard time connecting to the characters in such stories because the author seemed to always make a point of how much sex the characters AREN’T having, like it always has to come up in every conversation. It was alienating to me, because I didn’t feel the need to constantly remind people that I was ace, nor did any of the aces that I knew. I feel like having asexuals in fiction and acknowledging that they’re asexual is great, but I don’t want to be beaten over the head with it at every turn. Though I guess I want the same out of any sexual orientation or kink in fiction – I’d rather the orientation be a part of the character, rather then being all there is to the character.

    I do write a pair of rp/fic characters who are in an asexual relationship, but I don’t really bring the exact label of their relationship up much. One is asexual, the other is highly sexual, but the ace lives off the grid and isn’t aware of the exact term for his orientation. He just knows he isn’t interested in sex, but he enjoys cuddling and making out with his partner, and his partner is totally okay with that. While his partner is sexually attracted to him, they understand that he’s asexual and doesn’t act on it. Their relationship is asexual, but they don’t make a big deal about it, because this is what works for them, and it’s no one else’s business.

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