Update for 9/27/13!

All SFW! No tyrant but Prostitues! Crazy idea prostitutes, how about treat your client the way he treats you?

Let’s Hateo Kaito Rapeo!

Pure heartless Rape Dance

Prostitutes r’ Us

PS – Still annoyed these prostitutes act so blushy blushy desu over sex when yanno that’s their fucking job.

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67 Responses to Update for 9/27/13!

  1. Stardigrade says:

    Ermagerd devilled eggs – The most sexy thing Teahouse has offered yet. But indeed, where the fuck is the paprika?!

    Also, a page-full of “chubby-girl-turned-on-by-food” doesn’t compensate for the lack of female involvement in general. Nice try Emirain.

    • blankface says:

      Y’know… I’d be able to tolerate the ‘chubby girl turned on by food’ thing if it were part of Green’s job. Like, say, she takes on clients who are into sploshing or feeding fetishes. That that’s why the Teahouse took her on, she can cater to specific things like some prostitutes in the real world do.

      But instead, this is one hell of a vanilla whorehouse. Lord Giraffeneck sends Baking Red (I don’t care enough about these fucks to learn their names, sorry) sex toys, but that’s pretty fuckin’ tame, especially as far as a Victorian inspires setting goes, when EVERYONE was using vibrators, butt plugs, and violet rays for ‘health reasons’. But there’s only ONE whore in this place that has any kinks going for him.

      None of them do any weird kinky shit that the Johns would go to a whore for to keep their dirty secrets private, none of them have particularly charming personalities that would make them good companions… so why is this place so expensive? Why does anyone use the Teahouse?

      *Ahem*, sorry, went off on a rant there.

      • Stardigrade says:

        That would have been awesome! Each prostitute could have catered to a different kind of fetish o_o

        I just don’t get why Lillith earns more than Claret.
        Lillith has no meat on her bones at all, and a pretty cold, catty personality to boot- What is there going for her?

        This is clearly a crazy world where vanilla sex with cold, emotionally instable people is an epidemic. Maybe it’s a dystopia?!

        • blankface says:

          I can’t remember if it was Teahouse or something else that got me thinking about it, but I noticed how prevalent the ‘virgin in a whorehouse, someone rich buys them for their first time and demands that they be their only client’ thing is in stories about prostitutes. And it got me thinking… what if there were a prostitute whose whole schtick was the virginity thing, and they were pulling along a half a dozen Johns who all thought they had exclusive rights to that prostitute? Because what pimp is going to agree to exclusivity and lose out on potential money? So you have this prostitute who knows how to act the part, who blushes at mentions of sex and who keeps drawing out their time with the Johns before their ‘virginity’ is taken so that the Johns keep coming back? I’d love to read something like that.

          • UGH FOR REAL!

            I’m so sick of prostitutes acting genuinely all moe and embarrassed over sex. I can get its a kink, but why can’t we see a prostitute PLAY UP the angle?

            “I told him I was a virgin and can you believe he fucking believed me? Like god damn I’m getting so good at blushing and looking demure it’s scary!”

            Supposedly Reed pays a stupid amount of money for Rory. I hope atros added up how much an average whore makes in a week with their multiple clients a day and puts that price on each visit….Even though it looks like being an arms dealer leaves a lot of free time, has Reed been visiting the place everyday?

          • Stardigrade says:

            Ooh I would want to see this.

            Also, I’d like to see a subverted situation where the prostitute, or just general person, is a virgin but performs so well, the other person is sceptic that they were a virgin to begin with.

          • blankface says:

            @Stardigrade – Augh, if only I weren’t juggling so many other writing projects, I would try to do something with this concept.

            The John wondering how the prostitute is so good, or overhearing some tavern gossip about someone else who bought a virgin whore who fits the same description… and this is something the pimp has been doing for years. Once a prostitute gets too old to convincingly be a virgin, a newer, younger model is brought in. And sometimes there’s some animosity but other times the older prostitute gives advice for how to pull of the act.

          • Blunderbuss says:

            Holy shit, I’d read that too. It’d even be a great idea for a guy because there really is no way to ‘check’ for virginity for dudes. If he’s lucky enough to look younger than he is, he could keep pulling it off until way until his late 20s.

          • Stardigrade says:

            It needs an awesome context though – Preferably something without anachronisms and victorians, I get sick of anachronism stews all the time. At least pick different time-periods to fuddle together! Ancient Egypt/Heian Japan.

        • I think the Teahouse’s logic for why Lillith earns more than Claret is simply because, “Everybody wants to bang a skinny blonde” even though thiness being attractive is a very modern concept. I thought part of the attractive of blondes/red heads is that to have that as your natural hair color is pretty uncommon.
          And when you think about it any hair color is possible, so wouldn’t people have kinks for like Bluettes, or mauves?

        • Wanda says:

          Because the authors are still in high school and think that being skinny and blonde means that ALL THE MENZ love you?

          Via OKCupid stats, the most attractive women actually aren’t the most sought after. The most distinctive women are the most sought after. (Okay, so it mostly applies to dating and not whoring, but still). So even if Claret is prettier, there may be something about Lilith that draws ‘em in. I mean, if we assumed this weren’t a shitty webcomic. Maybe guys go for the “strong confident woman” thing, since mistresses back in the day used to be smart and witty and often mean, because that was “new and exciting” for men who were so used to wilting flowers who painted fruit all day and weren’t allowed out of the house.

          Again, this is all assuming it’s not a shitty webcomic with shitty characterization. But it is. So mostly I go with my first point: the author still think men love skinny blonde bitches.

          • Stardigrade says:

            But Claret comes across as more confident and distinctive than Lillith IMO e_o

            Maybe Atros did a Seymour Skinner and switched the labels around on the files containing annual profit margins so Lillith would get more privileges. Cuz she was banging him and stuff.
            Except that analogy fails a bit, Seymour was banging Mrs Krabapple, not Bart xDD

          • Because the authors are still in high school

            Despite being in their 30s I feel like the two have not evolved passed a high school mindset unfortunately.

            I’d reconsider only having Claret on my list if Lillith were a dominatrix. Odd point, in the Day in the life of Mercurtio, Mercutio is always playing the dom, never the sub. Whhhhhhhhhhy? Okay so only gross freaks want fetish stuff, but none of them want subs?

          • Wanda says:

            I did know they were older than me (I’m almost 24), but yes, what I meant was that their mindset is in high school. I bet they’re one of those people who are all “High school was the best time of my life!” *shudders*

            Because self-proclaimed doms are gross and perverted. You only stop being gross and perverted if you don’t admit to being a dom and simply just be an asshole to people. Doms=assholes to these authors (which is soooo rage-inducing).

        • Blunderbuss says:

          Well, if this comic had any guts at all, they’d have Lilith as a cold and sexy dominatrix who is SUPPOSED to be a stone cold bitch. Then that’d explain why she gets so many clients.

          • Stardigrade says:

            I was thinking Lillith as a Dominatrix character! But nope, nope. Only Mercutio is allowed to cater to fetishes because he’s “gross”

  2. gilraen_tinuviel says:

    It seems that with all this food Rory wants to have “Nine 1/2 Weeks” with Reed. ;> Or he works as catering, because the coronation. :]

  3. RC says:

    POINTS! For no “witty” fat girl+food comments or implying that Claret will eat evrey thing cuz she’s lol fat! Just, you know, normal girl stuffing food in her mouth= deep throat oral porn.

    And where is the paprika for that deviled egg??
    And why the fuck is Roy fixated on feeding Reed? Is he fattening Reed up for slaughter? Would be a nice character point to build on. More interesting than say…blushing every time the word “sex” comes up.

    Also- deviled eggs don’t “munch”. They are a soft nummy slurp sound and you suck on them and roll them in your mouth. Or maybe at least a “chew” sound as you skip sucking and just chew them. Maybe a “nibble”?

    • Stardigrade says:

      I was thinking that too – The hell did he put in that devilled egg to make it go “munch”?!

    • I’m personally a bit confused how in the rollover comments they were like, “Yeah sure cram all that food in claret it’ll fit.”

      It’s a fucking deviled egg! I’ve been jamming whole ones in my mouth since I was 10, and it looks like Claret has taken at least 3 bites.

      My secret (totally wrong in actuality) theory is that Rory is actually really turned off/intimidated by muscles and just wants to bang a guy with a less beefy body type. Since Reed’s his only client, he must fatten him upppp.

    • Blunderbuss says:

      Uh, they did make that joke in the alt text. Because Teahouse never misses a chance to be totally classy. /sarcasm

  4. Stardigrade says:

    ONE MORE THING

    How is rory paying for all this food? Out of his own wage I suspect? If this is like a bonus or lagnappe for Reed, this should really be coming out of Atros’s pocket…

    • Why would you go to a WHOREHOUSE to get fed? For shits sake people typically avoid eatting at strip joints cause they have infamously terrible food. I mean if their deal was, “Have a good evening socializing with your chosen courtesan, with a nice meal, and at the end you can get your twiddled diddled” that’d be one thing and more accurate to the courtesan tradition but this place has pretty much booked itself as an in and out motel with a chandelier.

      • Stardigrade says:

        Well apparently they offer clients a bed for the night, which I imagine is paid for by the minute, so a massive feed-up would make the client sleepy and more inclined to stay? Ne? NE?

  5. SirSeph says:

    Someone on the Teahouse page mentioned that Claret would be good for like people with food fetishes (whipped cream on the body, etc) which I was totally behind before they ended it with “eeww XD” SMH TH fans.

    Also a “why is Claret eating a deviled egg in over 3 bites” theory: dinosaur eggs. Makes as much sense as the rest of the fuckin’ comic.

    • Doesn’t EVERYBODY like eating whipped cream off of people? I mean come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

      Though I agree I’m betting its a dino egg, cause lol history. If you’re not going to try with your historical accuracy, even enough to keep immersion, than you should go all out. I hope we see Glider riding in on a duckbill dino at some point.

    • blankface says:

      Why would anyone take on writing a comic about a whorehouse if they balk at fetishes, especially one as innocuous as that? Like, okay, sploshing is kinda ick to me, but licking whipped cream/honey/whatever off of someone? That’s a pretty common thing.

      Again, this is just the most vanilla brothel I have ever seen, and it seems to be because the creators are scared of anything that ISN’T vanilla.

    • RC says:

      OOO! Deviled Ostrich egg! It’s like a three pound ostrich egg and cheese omelet, only it’s a deviled egg?

      No? How about Emu?

      And there’s people who don’t use whip cream during sex? You mean you are not suppose to eat the people you have sex with? My child hood of watching spider and mantis mating documentaries LIED TO ME!

      Though speaking of spider sex- did you know that some species of male spiders have to do between 30mins to an hour of foreplay at least to avoid being eaten by the female? Foreplay: Do it! It could save your life!

  6. Wanda says:

    I have no clue what’s going on here. Why does Rory feel obligated to cook anything at all for a man who, up to this point, has shown absolutely no affection or consideration toward him whatsoever. He even talked shit about his cupcakes LAST time. Even if you love to cook, you are not inclined to cook for a person who insults your cooking. Just . . . no.

    So either Rory is being ordered to do it or he is being paid to do it. If I were being paid to feed Reed, I’d put tons of laxatives in there, just saying. Then Reed’s eyes can match his butthole. lolololol

    Oh right, this is a shitty webcomic in which Rory feels some sort of dire uke need to be as stereotypically feminine and subservient as possible. YAY! Look how far we’ve come, gay rights/feminism! Gender roles!

    • Stardigrade says:

      “If I were being paid to feed Reed, I’d put tons of laxatives in there, just saying. Then Reed’s eyes can match his butthole. lolololol”

      xDDDD
      I’ve been waiting forever for that line to come back and haunt Emirain e__e

      • Wanda says:

        Or maybe . . .come back and bite them in the butthole? ZIIIIING

        Seriously though, they must be trolling everyone, thinking that it’s somehow romantic for a butt plug to match a person’s eyes?

    • RayneofCastamere says:

      Because Rory HAS to be Reed’s submissive little waifu or else the yaoi mob will send out Tony to break the kneecaps of those who want to shake up gender roles. Because having any relationships other than big strong ma–I mean seme and weak defenseless woma–I mean uke who needs protecting is too difficult a concept.

      Alternative relationships? Relationships based on equality and respect? Those weren’t in the trashy 50 cent romance novels I read when no one’s looking, therefore they are verboten!

      • Wanda says:

        I think the authors pat themselves on the back all the time for Axis/Rhys. SO PROGRESSIVE AND NEW, a couple that is not instantly uke/seme. Even though it has all of the usual abuse and non-con and “here I fixed your shirt even though it’s inconsistent with my characterization”, it is GROUND BREAKING, YA HEAR.

        • Stardigrade says:

          If a couple is mutually abusive, does that make it consensual? e___e

          e____e

          e___e

        • PRETTY MUCH!

          They after all are both big fans of The tyrant who fell in love which is painted like switching up roles but still has the abuse and non-con out the wazoo.

          • Stardigrade says:

            There’s another manga they’ve said a few times they’re really inspired by, “The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese” (man what a delicious name for a Yaoi?) I can’t quite remember the plot but I remember a fairly bland but harmless straight guy being manipulated into a gay relationship after breaking up with his conveniantly asexual wife. Maybe it’s worthy of riffing?

          • Ehh despite it having that creepy molest till gay for me plot it was actually alright on everything else. The sequel The carp on the chopping block jumps twice is actually pretty damn good, I read that first and fell in love with it. Since I found out the background was he was blackmailed into being gay the whole thing has been spoiled.

            Not really silly enough for a riffing. Thanks for the recommendation though! I’m still taking them.

    • My (obviously wrong) theory is that they have no cooks cause Atros fired them all in childish rage so Rory is now the cook. He feels as if Rory doesn’t work enough due to the exclusive contract, despite bringing in the most money so he makes him do other shit. He did that with claret afterall.
      So Rory tries to convince everyone and himself he’s doing it all for Reed (cause that in his stated job description) so he feels less crappy about being forced to do another job without being paid.

      “Hi…hi guys I’ve been in the kitchen all day preparing dinner for everyo…REED though it looks like he hasn’t shown up, you guys can eat it so it doesn’t get cold.” He than proceeds to go into his room and sob.

  7. Mia says:

    Reed finally eating the food will be the PROOF OF TRUE LOVE.

    Until then into the trash it goes.

  8. wanderingaddict says:

    no god damnit faps it’s not “because you’re feeling poopy and I blah blah whatever” it’s “because I have the penis in this relationship and that’s all that fucking matters”

  9. RayneofCastamere says:

    Rory’s attitude to Reed is unnerving. He is not your boyfriend! He is your john! Stop acting like you’re dating!

    And what the fuck happened to your feelings for your sister? Sure, they were squicky, but at least they were more interesting than you playing waifu for the bland wonder.

    • wanda says:

      Silly Rayneo. You don’t cook for WIMMIN. DURRR. Wimminz do the cooking, men do the eating. If Rory’s sister wants a cupcake, she’ll have to make it for her damn self!

    • Hahaha, I may change his nickname from lord mouth breather to bland wonder!

      My bet is his sister is going to sneak in and sabotage all his food and than bat her eyelashes at Reed cause she gonna be the #1 whore.

      Though honestly that is all so poorly written. If she had a brain cell she would know he’s making money due to the “virgin fetish” and that Reed may not be interested in women. Also why didn’t she sign up as a prostitute if her ultimate goal was to muscle Rory out of the game? Or alternatively why wouldn’t Atros ALLOW her to sign up as a prostitute since he’s only got 6 prostitutes and 2 of them are women?

      • blankface says:

        “Or alternatively why wouldn’t Atros ALLOW her to sign up as a prostitute since he’s only got 6 prostitutes and 2 of them are women?”

        Because he is the worst pimp and businessman in the world.

  10. rags says:

    lol, does the author of Kaito know nothing about the real world? Pulling a no-show is very serious; most places I’ve worked if you do it once then your ass is already halfway out the door. And at the other places, that once is all it takes.

    it’s like she went ‘this will be such a kind and romantic gesture!’ without even remotely considering the consequences

    • Wanda says:

      I like to think the author has never had a job, just lives with her parents and draws shitty webcomics all day, then tells people she’s a freelance artist when they ask her what she does for a living.

      • I’m pretty sure you’re right. Though I do believe she’s in college at the moment, trying really hard to become a for real freelance artist.

        She may be in for a big shock to the system.

        • RC says:

          I don’t know…she might have a chance at being a Marvel or DC comic artist. DC is all about the dub-con/PG13 rape violence theses days.

    • blankface says:

      Also, didn’t Blue’s boss give him a promotion or raise or whatever because of the suicide attempt? If they’re that concerned for him, then a no-show with no excuse should raise some alarms.

      • SirSeph says:

        Yeah and TBH in the real world, no one actually cares that much. His ass would be fired multiple times by now.

      • GOOD POINT!

        Though after the near suicide people didn’t seem to give a shit in general. The boss was just covering his ass and his friend Colt who is supposed to be in love with him just kinda shrugged it off. Nobody else even flinched.

  11. Blunderbuss says:

    Honestly after reading all the comments here I just for fucking ONCE like to read a story with prostitutes who are fully-qualified professionals who know their trade and act like sex is a job like any other.

    But then there wouldn’t be draaaaaama then I guess. And then when Atros decides to treat Linneus like shit he could just threaten to walk out the door and work someplace else and whelp there goes the ‘OTP’.

    • Stardigrade says:

      Would be awesome if the brothels in that area competed with each other. Linnaeus switches sides, giving Teahouse a huge disadvantage and then the whole thing turns into a 90′s sports movie.

    • I’d argue that Red Lantern by Rukis is a brothel story like that.

      Honestly there could still be plenty of drama, the problem is, they don’t believe drama exists if it isn’t High school styled drama.

      Like prostitutes competing for Johns so they could make more money isn’t good because the Johns are supposed to be their soul mates. HOW DARE YOU BE SO SHALLOW AND GO AFTER THE MONEY!?

      • RC says:

        One sharp poke I could have about Red Lantern is there’s not much of in comic showing Amon’s drug issue. There has been a few text shorts that mention it more. But it’s suppose to be one of the main reasons why they are looking to get rid of him. That and his age. And his busted back.

        The poor guy not only had to train his replacement, he has to watch the new guy take all his clients as well.

        Plenty of drama in Red Lantern. Drama that you actually care about.

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