Update for 12/26/13!

Kaito NSFW! But 2 prostitutes here for post Christmas cheer! Don’t worry though the story went nowhere.

Prostitutes r’ Us

Keep not coloring your pages Teahouse! I have fun coming up with new ways to make them eyesores.

Let’s Hateo Kaito Rapeo!


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55 Responses to Update for 12/26/13!

  1. cc says:

    Not going to lie, I find it funny both riffs have ORANGE GRADIENT LIGHTING off to the side.

    Same for the NO EXPERSSION off, can Blue challenge Reed the champion of : |

  2. bickazer says:

    Wait…blue-eyes is the uke, right? So why is he topping? Progress, I guess?

    • Blue eyes is typically the uke. Throughout the manga he tops twice. This is the second time. He only tops when red eyes heavily manipulates him into it by holding the relationship hostage.

      • bickazer says:

        Okay, gotcha. I’m slightly (infinitesimally) impressed that red eyes is okay with bottoming. But I’d be more impressed if angelperez figured out that gay men can have sex in other ways besides anal penetration.

        And the two guys look identical anyway, so I guess she feels more comfortable letting them “switch” (for a given value of switch) every now and then. Imagine if red eyes looked like the seme from Okane ga nai. I’d call that real progress.

        Though true progress would be if the entire manga ended up with that one girl killing the glow-eyed monstrosities, putting them out of their misery, and taking over the world.

        • I really want to say it’s progress but it just comes out of another toxic part of their relationship. It’s like an abusive guy allowing his lady to get on top every once in a blue moon to give her the illusion that she wants to be in the relationship.

          I actually really like it when their is a size difference but the larger one (very willingly) bottoms. It’s a shame it seems so hard to find. But yes the only way to salvage it is with a killing spree.

          • bickazer says:

            I love size differences both ways! But seriously, seeing big bara guys bottom is so rare and that’s such a shame.

  3. macklewhore says:

    TEAHOUSE DOESNT MAKE ANY LUMPING SENSE WHY DID HE MAKE THIS HUGE FEAST FOR A CLIENT BUYING SEX……

    • Annausagi2 says:

      Because ummmm WELL the first time it didn’t help baking tons of cupcakes so Rory thought “WELL GEE I’LL JUST MAKE ALL SORTS OF FOODS THAT’LL HELP” and apparently it did and this scene is totally kawaii and progressing their deep relationship.

      Gosh, I don’t know if it’s just me looking at the comic through my rage-glasses, but it keeps pissing me off for some reason and I can’t pinpoint why. <<

      • macklewhore says:

        it’s stupid. this comic is so fucking stupid. any possible remnants of a plot or characterization is gone now. it’s been like three years. i’m done.

    • It’s really unnerving because it seems as if Rory has a fundamental misunderstanding of how sex work…works…probably because he doesn’t truly understand sex and that’s a fucking problem if he’s supposed to be doing that for a living. Hey Atros maybe you should have explained this to him since he’s your indentured fuck slave?

      It’s like somebody told him he was going to have sex for a living and he doesn’t really want to accept it. That in the back of his mind he knows he’ll have to suck a bunch of dick, but on the surface he tries to find another reason why a John would come there. Oh Dracula comes here because he really likes my cooking! That’s right! He likes me for something besides my body! He’s making believe he has more control of the situation than he does. All the scenes where Rory tries to please Lord Mouth Breather with cooking can easily look like a frightening coping mechanism.

      • macklewhore says:

        whhaaaaa but that’s like SO COMPLICATED!!!!! BUTTSEX LOL

      • SirSeph says:

        wtf then teahouse would actually be an interesting read we cant have that shit in our yaoi town

      • Wanda says:

        This is Victorian society, duh. Obviously his mother told him a man would never want him unless he knew how to make quiche. I mean, doesn’t everyone’s mother tell them that? OR IS IT JUST ME?

        WILL I BE THE ONLY SPINSTER DYING OF QUICHE-CAUSED LONELINESS?

    • Wanda says:

      ISN’T IT OBVIOUS? HE POISONED THE FOOD. DIE, LORD MOUTHBREATHER. DIE.

      Seriously though. Don’t eat food at brothels, even high-class ones. You don’t know where that shit’s been.

      • macklewhore says:

        you think they would have their own chef or something….

        • macklewhore says:

          you’d*

        • cc says:

          According to some trivia talks, rory does do the cooking and previously it was pinky who did it? IDK it’s all fucking pointless since they can’t even get the stuff they do show decent, so why bother with the shit we don’t see.

          • macklewhore says:

            ok they seem to have a lot of time on their hands… and yet they’re still rich!!! how do brothels work lol

          • cc says:

            Actually in retrospect, I’m puzzled as to why mouthbreather hasn’t commanded Rory to be banned from cooking since cooking is hardly the cleanest thing in the world and if he was “OCD” (personally, I think he’s just a bit of a stickler for cleanliness, but w/e), and he clearly has a no germs/no mess/purity fetish (or maybe he doesn’t want STDs but wants to go condomless IDK), you’d think he’d EMOTE about his displeasure towards Rory’s cooking habit.

            Then again, god forbid CONFLICT in this husk of thing trying to be a “dramatic” relationship.

          • I’m pretty sure Reed just doesn’t give enough fucks.

            The authors have outright stated many times that STDs don’t exist in their world cause REASONZ!

            My bet is Reed has some tragic past where his ex-true love forever, cheated on him. So now he’s got a hard on for being ultra possessive, and certainly a person who was a virgin sex worker wouldn’t cheat on you amirite?

          • Wanda says:

            They can’t hire a cook? They have a whole staff of maids I thought. Why are the prostitutes doing anything outside of being prostitutes? Who does the dishes if Rory cooks? IS IT XANTHE? Oh wait I forgot, the kitchen is the woman’s place, unless you’re a girly kawaii desu blushing uke. Then you’re allowed to be in the kitchen.

            God, I hate this sexist tripe. I understand if it’s Victorian times, but clearly they’ve shown their inadequacy when it comes to world-building, so I have no proof that women are seen as being “lesser” anyway.

          • Pinky does the gardening, laundry, and he used to do all the cooking too? There is no way he had any time to suck dicks if he was doing that for a huge estate and 20 or so people. (Remember the Maids that live there?)

            Holy fuck, how does it not occur to them that this would work just fine?

        • Wanda says:

          Yeah, they only have, like, twenty maids.

  4. RayneofCastamere says:

    For the love of all that’s…

    Rory. The Bland Wonder is not your boyfriend. You are not preparing a romantic evening for your significant other. If Pimpy weren’t the worst businessman in the world, I’d be wondering why he hasn’t killed you for wasting all that money and food, which probably cost more than what the Bland Wonder paid for your ass.

    He just wants to satisfy his purity fetish and get off on the fact that no one else gets to have you. You are not his lover. You are not even his mistress(I have no idea what the male equivalent is). You are basically his property so long as he keeps paying.

    Instead of sucking up to him, the guy who’s paying to sex you up willing or not, do something useful and/or interesting. Plot his downfall. Plot the destruction of the current government (if King Douche is running things, it’s gotta be bad in NoSTDlandia). Join forces with your sister to become the Supreme Emperor and Empress of Whores by outmaneuvering your rival prostitutes.

    STOP BEING A SHELL DEVOID OF ANY PERSONALITY SAVE MOEBLOB!

    • Annausagi2 says:

      I’d love to see the reaction if you posted that in their comments section.

      Mmmmmh, it’d be beautiful…

      • RayneofCastamere says:

        If I wasn’t afraid some rabid fan would find my IP address and make my life hell…

        • I haven’t had the problem and I doubt you would. Though I understand the extra caution.

        • Mil says:

          Heck, if you’re worried about them tracking you down through your IP I could post it for you via my disqus account.

          I’ve got nothing to lose, and it would be fun to see their reactions.

          • RayneofCastamere says:

            If you want to. I think it would be funny, but my cowardly ass is too scared to do it myself.

            I’ve heard stories about crazy fans and critics, man. Like that shit with Cassandra Clare and what some of her fans did to her critics? Scary stuff.

        • Mil says:

          Done!

          Sorry, I couldn’t reply to your latest reply. I posted it under a username called IvoryTaco if it helps.

          Since I’m going to bed I don’t care too much about what may or may not happen, even if they find my house and leave dead animal heads on my doorstep, which would be silly.
          I kind of have more of a feeling that the post will be deleted before anything really interesting happens though.

          • Haha a couple of fans are agreeing with the rant it has 16 up votes and only 5 down vote. ACCCCCCCCCE!

          • Annausagi2 says:

            Someone replied with:

            “He’s in LOVE with him man, so cut him some slack. love is blind, thus even though he knows the noble man only comes for sex, he’s still wishing for more i bet, from the fact that he reserved him only for himself….. so let the poor guy dream a little, there is nothing wrong with that. actually that’s what makes their relationship so sweet.”

            Which could be a good character arc, if Rory got out of his perfect bubble, realizing that he’s been trying to fool himself in a way to cope with his life of being labeled as property.
            Which will totally happen, rite guys? AHAHAH no.

          • macklewhore says:

            im laughing so much at the fans’ replies

            they are so fucking stupid how do they even function jesus christ

          • RayneofCastamere says:

            SWEET!

          • Wanda says:

            HE IS IN LOVE WITH HIM. LOVE IS BLIND. Jesus Christ, how many times have they spoken? Three, four times? If “speaking” is even the proper term. Even if Rory were in love with him . . . if you went on three or four dates and even boned that person a few times, would you be kinda freaked out if they made you a whole smorgasbord like that? Like, slow down dude. Make me some pancakes or something, geeeez.

            And I’m not even an asshole. Imagine what Lord Mouthbreather thinks.

          • cc says:

            Based on this logic, he and Claret (I’m pretty sure she is the ONLY character he has had multiple, friendly conversations with) are soul mates.

          • Mil says:

            I’m honestly surprised, there isn’t anywhere near as much backlash as I thought there’d be, just a couple text walls and stupid shit with condesending tones (can’t get over the people telling me to “calm my tits”).

            And now the post has 21 up-votes to 8 down-votes, nice.

          • Hahahaha oh my god somebody said that Reed, “Showed him the ways of the world. So why wouldn’t he fall in love with him?” That must be code for anal fingering because that’s all he fucking did to “help” Rory. Honestly I hardly want to count it as helping since he’s ultimately doing it for his own pleasure. But jesus fuck man. I’m tempted to start using that as a Euphemism for that specific sex act.

          • RayneofCastamere says:

            Considering all the upvotes and some of the more positive responses, maybe I should’ve just grew a backbone and posted it myself. Even though a lot think my comment could only have come from a bitter killjoy Grinch, a lot more actually seem interested in starting a dialogue.

          • cc says:

            We should try this with one of the more “featured” couples, like Pimpy and Pinky to see if the logic content remains consistent. It is good to know that in the case of Reed and mouthbreather there are some who are civil, this is the silver lining.

    • macklewhore says:

      FUCK YEAH

      he could just poison the food….. then it would be over…

      OH NO BUT THEN HE’S GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS TERRIBLE ACTIONS oh wait this is teahouse never mind

  5. Stardigrade says:

    Interesting how an Ivorian cream tea is /exactly/ the same as a UK cream tea, except with Spaghetti Bolognese on the side.
    This amuses me greatly.

    Why do we need a whole crappy mini-sub-micro-side plot to establish how kawaii desu Rory can be? But I guess cute is subjective -.-

    • RayneofCastamere says:

      Because prostitution where the hookers are branded property isn’t horrific and degrading! It’s just like a normal lovey relationship but better since the uke can’t have any of that pesky autonomy that takes away from that creep–I mean adorable innocence!

      I feel grimy writing that even in jest.

  6. SirSeph says:

    I made the mistake of reading the original KS riffs and I couldn’t stop laughing at the writing. “I’m having sex with the man on my table. BECAUSE HE ASKED ME TO.” bye fucking bye i cant do this.

  7. Wanda says:

    Obviously the food is poisoned. I mean, come on now. Since it’s Teahouse . . . maybe with LUUUUUUV POTION? Come on now, Teahouse author, throw me a bone.

    Outside of that, it makes no fucking sense. Dude, act like a normal eighteen-year-old boy and play video games or whatever. Why isn’t he cooking that shit for everyone else? Beyond that, if he’s such a good cook, why does he even work at a brothel? He should open a real Teahouse or something.

    This couple, man. I cannot even wrap my head around why anyone would ever think they’re cute. They have ZERO chemistry. They’re not even interesting if I rearrange their story lines and characterization to make them tolerable in my own head.

    • macklewhore says:

      “Beyond that, if he’s such a good cook, why does he even work at a brothel? He should open a real Teahouse or something.” seriously. since he obviously doesn’t fit into the prostitution scene. HE COULD BE THE FUCKING CHEF THIS BROTHEL IS IN NEED OF INSTEAD

      you are so right about rory’s characterization… not just about the 18 year old boy thing, but the whole concept of the character. he’s a clearly sexual person, an 18 year old boy, and yet he’s portrayed as the stereotypical virgin. PENIS!!! ~BLUSH~ but he’s had a sexual relationship with his sister in the past, and although it isn’t clear how consensual it was, it doesn’t make sense for me that he would be so CUTESY-BLUSH about sex? if it was sexual abuse then we would need an explanation as to why he acts the way he does. and even so, does trauma from nonconsensual sexual experiences result in this sort of personality? like… it’s not even made to be complex, this comic has provided no depth in these characters, there is no explanation as to why rory is apparently so innocent. it just doesn’t click? am i even making sense. ok like. thing is, they aren’t making him this way for any other reason than CUTE VIRGINAL INNOCENT SUBMISSIVE BABY UKE!!
      it’s just weird, the character doesn’t make sense, doesn’t connect. they haven’t tried to show us the why’s and how’s this character works at all. he just comes off as bad, unrealistic. WHAT VIRGINAL 18 YR OLD ACTS LIKE THIS? ITS FIFTY FU CKING SHADES ALL OVER AGAIN

      you’re so right. these characters are so flat and tropey. their relationship has no substantial build up, neither of them hav any chemistry, and it’s extremely unbalanced. plus the seme guy is lame. BO R I N G AS FUCK. all he does is stand like he has a stick up his ass. the OCD aspect is literally his only personality trait. worse than twilight? or the same??

      ok sorry for this dumb rant ITS JUST YOUR COMMENTS ALWAYS REFLECT WHAT IM THINKING

      • Wanda says:

        IT’S BECAUSE WE SHARE A MIND LINK.

        Dude, it’d be more interesting if he was just the cook and Lord Mouthbreather showed up and was like “I WANT . . . HIM!” and everyone was like *LE GASP* “NOT THE VIRGINAL COOK!” but then Xanthe being the total tool he is is all down for it and forces Rory into it or something. I don’t know.

        I just don’t get the virginal kawaii desu bushy thing. I’m not going to say there’s no interest in virginity. That sort of bumbling awkwardness can be charming when paired with lust that hasn’t been explored. But the thing with the sister and now the cooking and the fact that Lord Mouthbreather has zero personality outside of LOL OCD just doesn’t make sense. None of it. Focus on the sister thing instead, that actually seems like it could be interesting. But nooooo, gotta work in that stereotypical seme shit.

        Because I like to fill up comment sections with my own preferences, maybe the reason I hate this couple so much is because I like things the opposite way, i.e. a more knowledgable and “slutty” femmey dude with an awkward kawaii desu masculine dude. I’m just fed up with the feminine always being seen as innocent and cute and virginal. WHERE ARE ALL THE SLUTS. Seriously, Sluts make everything better and more interesting. :/

        • bickazer says:

          …your preferences are basically the same as mine.

          I mean, fuck, I even like asshole/nice guy if the asshole is the more femme one! But nooooo, BL/yaoi writers NEVER write it that way.

          • Wanda says:

            So many clichés are made ten times more interesting when roles are reversed. Asshole slut femme boys are the beeeeest. Seriously, one of my fav stories is about a bitchy drag queen who runs a fashion agency. It’s awesome.

        • macklewhore says:

          it would better explain why rory is so reluctant, and confused as to what to do… but, you know, that would require ACTUAL THINKING

          it’s really just a virginal bottom kink thing. i guess people like the idea of someone never having been touched before, so they get to be their “first” and “teach them what real pleasure is like”. it gives them a feeling of dominance probably? idk but that’s how it usually looks like
          i understand awkwardness and confusion if you’re a virgin, but it’s rarely done well.

          THE SISTER THING IS SO CONFUSING. although it seems like it COULD be interesting, if they actually do it well. so far it just seems like an excuse for more porn and vilifying female characters. they could try to explore the relationship and psychology between these two. add some depth to rory’s character, beyond the whole ~CUTE BLUSHIE INNOCENT~. make him a darker character. that would be cool.

          but i guess that authors are just going to stick with a mainstream yaoi couple. even though the characters have no personality whatsoever. and you can’t even ignore that because teahouse claims to be a character-driven story, not just mindless porn (even then it’s still shitty) so they have NO excuse whatsoever for these lame ass trope characters

          wtf….. I LOVE SLUTTY FEMME BOYS WITH BARA GUYS OMG GOD BLESS they’re so much better and interesting and pretty much always well done. i. i’m crying just thinking about how beautiful it is

          • Wanda says:

            I can’t imagine Lord Mouthbreather teaching Rory anything except “lol finger in ur butthole”. Not sure if the Teahouse authors understand this, but generally people obsessed with cleanliness and perfection are the LAST people who are any good at sex. Uptight=/=sex god. He’s not particularly dominant either. There’s a difference between dominance and being an asshole.

            It’s not even a porn-driven story. There’s way more porn in Starfighter, with about the same amount of characterization. I don’t know what drives Teahouse. A passion for random fashion outfits?

            I KNOW BUT THEY ARE SO FRICKIN’ RARE. The story “Control” by ckingsbridge has a young slutty bottom who is dominant over his big bulky submissive top, but that’s the only example I know of (well, outside of my own work at least. XD)

          • Yeaaaaaah sex isn’t very clean…especially anal sex, and somebody obsessed with cleanliness is not going to make for super amazo sex god.

            (I know this will never happen) but when I picture Reed having anal sex with Rory I picture him spying fecal matter on his wang and losing his fucking mind over it. He rushes to the bathroom to scrub his dick with a scoring pad while blubbering incoherently. Rory fails to console him for a solid 2 hours. Something like that could show how he’s human but nope. In teahouse land, Reed stands up with his dick completely scrubbed off and order’s Rory’s execution.

            I think the big difference which causes star fighter to have more sex is it has fewer characters. Now both have professional organizations that all act like catty school girls to another, but in Teahouse that seems to be part of the fetish. They seem to be under some massive misconception that they are creating “feels.”

          • cc says:

            See it’s conversations like this that make me so torn when making stuff, because ADORABLE BARAS and assertive fem boys and MOAR LESBIANS.

            Yes I know I can have both but I want them both noooowwww but I don’t have enough productivity powers to make it so.

          • Wanda says:

            IF YOU WROTE IT, THEY WOULD COME. I know I’d read it. I’d read it so hard. :/

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