THE CROWN JEWEL: PROSTITUTES R’ US ARCHIVE + LATEST!!!!

I’ve saved the best for last! The crown jewel of my riffs, the reason I had to move, the reason there is light in my life.

TEAHOUSE

Edit 1: Off of private once again! I hope you all love, love, love it!  Here are the latest pages before the cut! Included an updated release of the vibrator page, that I meant to do but ran out of time.




The rest of the archive has been digitally remastered to make them easier to read, with a couple of new jokes sneaked in, and AT NO EXTRA COST TO YOU!

No dicks but not peachy keen if you’re at work so NSFW, poorly written, so much fucking desu, image heavy, and butthurt everywhere.

 

 



































































































 

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26 Responses to THE CROWN JEWEL: PROSTITUTES R’ US ARCHIVE + LATEST!!!!

  1. Skarto says:

    LAST PAGE DOES NOT MAKE SENSE.

    As you said on your tumblr: She’s a professional prostitute who has probably seen a hundred different dildos/vibrators. WHY IS SHE FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS.

    GOD DAMMIT.

  2. AkitotheAkita says:

    The most recent page sums up one of the main problems with this comic. We have a poorly written excuse for sex that treats sex and prostitution like …it just exist or something.

    Rory must have a ghost hand or something…I wonder did it take 5 hours to color like last time….

    This page have given me so much life! This ridiculousness is gonna sustain me for the whole weekend.

    • yourfapsendhere says:

      According to them sometimes pages take 16 hours to color! I have no idea how Rory can cup that butt but not touch her dress, he must be a ghost wizard.

      I have to admit your way of describing how they write rings true to me. The writing is just shallow and lazy. I want to have a story that has a lot of sex. I KNOW A STORY ABOUT A WHORE HOUSE!!! You want us to deal with the reality of sexual slavery, sex work, class exploitation, or abusive relationships? BUT WE JUST WROTE IT AS A CONVENIENT EXCUSE TO HAVE LOTS OF SEX! FUCK THINKING ABOUT THAT SHIT!

      • BunnyKira says:

        They could have just wrote a story about a… sex related club. (I hope I wrote it right, English is not my first language, sorry)
        But… wait no! Consensual sex and no slavery can’t bring the ANGST!

        • Oh your English looks fine, don’t fret. A sex club would remove the huge power plays making for a less creepy, more balanced story. BUT WE NEED THIS HUGE GAPS OF POWER IN ORDER FOR THE SEXIEST SEX!!!!! IT’S NOT HOT UNLESS ONE CHARACTER HAS BOTH PHYSICAL AND FINANCIAL POWER OVER THE OTHER!

  3. Mia says:

    Maybe OCDman just invented the vibrator. He got the best clockmakers on not!Europe on that shit.

    • yourfapsendhere says:

      That reminds me of a comment on /co/ to the effect of, “OCD guy must have invented that! Arms dealing is like sex toy making right? So what we need to do is find this OCD part-giraffe guy who has OCD and we can have a Victorian vibrator that looks hyper modern too!”

    • Mia says:

      ~vibrator in his butt if you pay

      Aw but it’s funnier when he’s just staring at it like it’s a strange artifact left by aliens. “What is this? Should I worship it? Should I sacrifice a cow to it?”

  4. The Cap says:

    Is it bad that I’ve read more of this than I have of the original?

  5. Dan says:

    damn, the artstyle is seriously messed up, those mouths and chins are all so dislocated in the 3/4 view. I tried to fix it up a little bit but no amount of photoshop can save that style from the derpiness.

    • yourfapsendhere says:

      DON’T YOU LIKE MY DESU ART!? IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE ACCURATE TO PHYSICAL HUMANS IF IT’S KAWAII!

  6. Fun Police says:

    What a perfect excuse to read this riff all the way through again! Also vibrators aren’t that scary. I think the butt-hand is what really freaked them out, now that’s freaky shit.

    • yourfapsendhere says:

      Yeah hands magically growing out of your butt, way scarier then something sex workers see all day everyday.

  7. Mariana says:

    Do better than this. Many of the anatomy corrections you did were even wronger.

    • icarus says:

      i never really pay much attention to the anatomy corrections?? some of them are p. good in my opinion but overall i don’t think people check out these riffs for tips on anatomy

      i think it’s more about the jokes
      just a hunch

    • yourfapsendhere says:

      They were more wrong? You might be right, if you could point out the mistakes I make, I’ll gladly fix them.

      However the point of these riffs are not to make fun of the anatomy, there are other jokes if you notice.

    • Derp says:

      Your grammar is even more wrong!

  8. Derp says:

    This is amazing. Thank you.

  9. Jean South says:

    Before I wised up and realized how shit teahouse is I got chapter 1 and 2. I’d love to give you scans of the chapter 1 and 2 sex scenes and see what you can do with them. Part of it is my love for this page already, and part of it is disgust at Emirain leeching money from their fans with sex scenes because ‘they don’t want their names associated with porn’. <3

    • yourfapsendhere says:

      Thank you I’m glad you’re enjoying my site so far! I actually already have scans of ALL the sex scenes 1-3 due to 4chan’s /y/ spreading them around like venereal diseases at an orgy. Why was I on /y/?
      ….research…big important….scientific research….
      However I don’t have any other of their extra content (except the new life of kinky set), I think 1 or 2 has a bonus few pages of Claret and Axis being “hilarious” which I don’t have. If you could scan those (if they are in your books) I’d riff them with gusto!

      When I found the SEX-tras I wasn’t keen on riffing them (since there is little dialog and my lack of anatomy knowledge makes it hard to point out flaws. So I will attempt but cannot promise it will be funny or that I’ll go all the way through with it.

      I heard something about them saying the reason they don’t post their porn pages on the net is more because of “don’t want people to know I draw porn.” I WANT TO MAKE BIG MONEY SELLING PORN BUT I DON’T WANT MY ~NAME~ ASSOCIATED WITH IT! That is some backwards ass shit in my book.

  10. Crista says:

    I really don’t care about the anatomy fails or the style of the author if I like the plot and/or the characters.

    The bad thing is that this have no plot at all. It’s so clich√© and stupid that it makes me rage.

    And the characters are so unlikable that it makes me sick. The only two characters that I like are Rory and the green girl (lol I can’t even remember her name, but she is a woman, so she doesn’t count amirite?), but even them are a good excuse for reading this crap because they are just barely better than the rest and that’s not that hard to achieve.

    I specially hate the Axel wannabe and the useless king that fuck everything. Them and the pink guy and his pimp… Okay, maybe I hate everybody else (except for the blond girl, I know we must see her like a bitch, but I feel sorry for her somehow).

    Either way, your corrections were hilarious, I had a good time with them. I love yaoi but I know when something sucks and this sucks bad. Good work, desu~

    (Sorry for the fail english by the way)

    • yourfapsendhere says:

      Your English is fine! If you’re a non native speaker of English you certainly have a lot better grasp of it then a lot of native speakers I know.

      I agree, I never hate a story BECAUSE of its art I hate it because of the story/characters. The story is near non-existent and 98% of the characters make me want to smear my own brain matter on the walls.

      To be frank I think the reason Rory and Greeny are the most likable is because we know the LEAST about them. Blondie is intriguing probably because she is the only female character hinted to have depth.

      Thank you, thank you! Sometimes it gets me down seeing tons and tons of rabid yaoi fans gobbling up garbage like teahouse. It’s so nice to be reminded that just because you like yaoi doesn’t mean you don’t have standards for the genre. So thanks for your comment, and for being a yaoi fan with sense!

  11. Derpy says:

    Will you be doing parodies of the extra pages?

    • I’ve attempted it a few times. However straight up porn is very difficult to riff, so I haven’t had much success. Perhaps one day I’ll be able to make riffs out of them, but it is not looking likely.

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